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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892450">No Butterflies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowsofmurder/pseuds/crowsofmurder'>crowsofmurder</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sunset curve headcanons, memories, and moments [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Aromantic Asexual Luke Patterson, Autistic Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby Wilson Has Angry Issues (Julie and the Phantoms), Bobby Wilson Has Insomnia (Julie and the Phantoms), Bobby is Not Trevor Wilson, Bobby | Trevor Wilson Dies, Gen, Luke Patterson Has ADHD (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson Has Dyslexia (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Multi, Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Reggie Peters Has ADHD (Julie and The Phantoms), it is time for me to project onto luke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:34:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowsofmurder/pseuds/crowsofmurder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Patterson knew love. It just wasn't the kind that other people talked about. It wasn't butterflies in his stomach or having his heart skip a beat. It was the feeling of belonging, the understanding that his family all held for each other. It was the long hours of making music with his band, both in the 90s and again in 2020. His family was battered and a little broken but his love never wavered for any of them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luke Patterson &amp; Alex Mercer, Luke Patterson &amp; Bobby Wilson, Luke Patterson &amp; Julie Molina, Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie Peters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sunset curve headcanons, memories, and moments [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143374</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Butterflies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had so many ideas of how to introduce my headcanons for AroAce Luke and Autistic Luke but I finally just decided to combine them! I love these headcanons with all my heart. </p><p>Luke has so much love in his heart, even if it's a little different than most people's idea of love.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Music had been Luke’s first love. He was just eight years old when he got his first guitar and after that, everything clicked into place. What his parents had thought would just be a hobby for their son quickly turned into his lifeline. Everything was connected to his music and his music was how he was going to connect to people. Luke Patterson wasn’t stupid. He knew something about him was different than other people. He was too young to know exactly what was different, he knew it. And knowing didn’t make it any easier for him to deal with it. </p><p>He was blunt and had a hard time picking up on social cues, which often landed him in trouble. School was hard for him and as much as his parents tried to be there for him, they didn’t know how to help. Luke talked and talked throughout the school day, always finding something to get his hands on to fiddle with, and once he got home he would shut himself in his room and play his guitar. It became routine before he even started middle school. </p><p>At ten, Luke made his first friend. </p><p>Reggie Peters was different, not in the same way Luke was, but just enough for them to click. For Luke, it was like finding his music all over again. The two boys fed off each other and were always there to pick each other back up when their differences made it hard to deal with the world outside of their bubble. It didn’t matter if no one else understood them, they understood each other and that was enough.</p><p>They were in seventh grade when Luke started to get some answers. </p><p>He was pulled from class and placed in a small room with a lady he had never met before. They talked and she asked odd questions and Luke did his best to answer. The lights were so bright, it was hard for him to focus and he didn’t have anything to keep his hands busy. By the time they were done, his parents had been called. He sat next to his mother as the lady explained. ADHD. Dyslexia. Autism. Even as the lady explained what those words meant, Luke was still confused. He knew about ADHD. Reggie had that. The dyslexia made sense. It was the reason he would mix up letters while writing and why words would seem to float around whenever he tried to read and make his head hurt. It was the third word Luke couldn’t figure out. </p><p>After that, Luke noticed a growing number of books talking about neurodiversity - whatever what was - appearing in his house. Whatever it was, his mother seemed insistent on reading everything she could about it. At some point during the summer, Luke stuffed one of the books into his bag before running off to the beach to meet up with Reggie. </p><p>“It’s about people who had trouble communicating and socializing,” Reggie explained as he flicked through the book, the pair of boys tucked away under the pier. The smaller of the two spent most of his time there to avoid going home and he didn’t mind sharing his safe space with his best friend. “Among other things, but that seems to be the gist of it.” He shut the book and looked up at Luke. He pressed his lips together and knocked his shoulder against Luke’s. “You know this isn’t a bad thing, right? It just seems you have a word for how you were feeling!” </p><p>Luke knew Reggie was right. Everything that Reggie had read from the book made sense to Luke because he had already noticed this behavior years ago. It still felt odd. But he tried to push it down and smiled at his friend. Reggie didn’t care. Of course he wouldn’t. They were best friends and best friends didn’t care about things like that. </p><p>Sunflowers bloomed under his skin on his shoulder, right where Reggie had touched him. There was warmth burning in his fingertips and a familiar itch to play his guitar. He never felt the fluttering of butterflies in his stomach like so many other kids talked about, but he didn’t care. Luke didn’t understand much about himself and he knew there was a lot more to learn but he knew he loved Reggie Peters. </p><p>\\\<br/>Freshman year brought two more boys into Luke’s life. Two more people who didn’t care about his fidgets and bluntness and not understanding cues. </p><p>Alex started carrying extra pencils with him for Luke to twist and twirl in his hands when he couldn’t keep his hands still. Bobby, despite his sharp tongue and quick fists that everyone else saw, was a quiet and soothing force that didn’t mind sitting with Luke when he felt out of control of his body and mind. They clicked with Luke and Reggie in such a perfect way. The duet that Luke had become so comfortable being a part of had morphed into a four-part harmony and it was the most beautiful piece he had ever heard. </p><p>And it wasn’t like he and Reggie were the only ones who had parts of them stand out among the group. </p><p>Alex had his own quirks. The way he would drum his fingers against his knees when he got that distant look in his eyes and how sometimes his thoughts would throw him into spirals with worry that brought on difficulty breathing and shaking hands. Luke found his own way of helping Alex through these moments. He was good at distracting and he put that to use when Alex needed something else to focus on. Reggie and Bobby had their own ways to help and with the three of them keeping an eye out, they were often able to pick up on Alex’s behavior before he got too bad. </p><p>It took Luke longer to realize Bobby had his own issues as well. </p><p>It was the slowly growing number of days that Bobby would be missing from school that made Luke realize something was going on. He and Reggie had asked Alex but the blonde just told them that sometimes Bobby needed a break from people. Luke spent the rest of the day wondering if it was similar to his episodes when people were just too loud and everything was too bright. But by this point, Luke knew that if Bobby wasn’t comfortable talking about it, it was better to wait until he was. Even though the other guitarist had never pointed his flames of anger towards the three boys, Luke had seen it in action against other people. Namely, the ones who enjoyed picking at Luke and Reggie. </p><p>And soon enough, Bobby did tell them.</p><p>Suddenly, the dark bruises under his eyes and the headaches that he would get made sense. Alex even explained how Bobby’s insomnia added to his constant existing anger, which was why some days it was easier to set him off than others. </p><p>Luke latched onto them almost as quickly as he did with Reggie. They made sense to him. Their tics and their quirks took time to understand but there was a sense of familiarity to them. He may not always be able to pinpoint the source of their issues but he knew what he could do to help. </p><p>It was only a matter of time until the two boys left their own marks on Luke. </p><p>For Alex, it was a beat similar to the sound of Alex playing his drums that began to hammer away at Luke’s chest and the rush of energy through his legs that made him rock back and forth on his heels. Soothing and calming, something to keep him grounded when his mind got too foggy and everyone else was just too much. Bobby was the swirling gray of storm clouds just before a downpour, the smell of rain lingering in the air, and lightning running through his head that brought words and lyrics and melodies. </p><p>His boys were endless sensations that were just so them. Endless pools of love formed in Luke’s chest, perfectly matching the already existing pool for Reggie. By this time, Luke had started to realize that the love he felt for the boys wasn’t the same as the love that other people talked about. There still were no butterflies in his stomach or a rush of red to his cheeks or heat to his stomach. He wanted them but not in that way. He wanted the cuddle piles and band practice. And, on other days when he couldn’t handle the noise, Luke wanted them to sit together in the same room while doing their own things because even when he needed his breaks, he still didn’t want to be completely away from them. Sitting in silence was just as good as cuddles and forehead kisses and linking pinkies while working on songs. </p><p>\\\<br/>Losing Bobby was probably the hardest part of dying. For the most part, the three of them had accepted their deaths. Luke still grieved the loss of making up with his parents and Alex still had his problems with dying to work out. Reggie had accepted it a lot easier than they did, but that was understandable. </p><p>But losing Bobby was something that none of them could get over. He had been a source of comfort for all of them and being without him was hard. Alex had lost his oldest friend and it pained Luke to see him in such a state. Reggie didn’t stop coming to them when his own thoughts got too hard for him to handle, but he no longer talked about them. Bobby had been the one to understand the seed of pain that had been given to Reggie by his parents far better than Luke and Alex could. None of them had been close to their parents but Bobby and Reggie were the ones that never had a relationship with their parents. </p><p>Julie, bless her and her kindness, did her best to try and find what happened to their lost bandmate, but came up empty. It was like once they died, Bobby Wilson ceased to exist. </p><p>Luke poured through songs, desperate to solidify how much Bobby had meant to him, to the boys, in words that he couldn’t get out. Since they came back, it was so difficult to get his thoughts across. The only thing he could think about was his music. Alex and Reggie didn’t have a problem understanding him, and neither one of them mind explaining it to Julie, who took everything in stride and did her best to understand. She understood much more than she realized. Her presence was warm, feeling as though he was coming home. There was already a dahlia growing on the inside of his wrist and purple paint staining his fingers and the comforting warmth of the summer sun on his shoulders.</p><p>It was shortly after the Orpheum when she found something. The boys were lost in their own worlds in different spots around the studio while Julie appeared in the doorway with a box under her arm and tears in her eyes. Immediately they rushed to her side but she just waved them towards the couch. Since the Orpheum, and Julie saving their afterlives, they had become visible to other lifers and it was taking her dad some time to get used to it. But not for the reason they had all thought. Julie explained that while she was talking to her dad, Ray had admitted that since meeting them properly, he realized that he had known who they were. He told her that he knew them because he had known Bobby. </p><p>Julie opened the box for them and it was like they were looking into Bobby’s soul.</p><p>The box was filled with pictures, folded up sketches, and scrapped pieces of paper with half-written songs on them. With shaking hands and tear-filled eyes, the boys slowly sorted through the contents of the box. They learned that after their deaths, Bobby moved in with two new friends - the girl from the Orpheum who turned out to be Rose, and Ray - and did his best to continue living. The pictures didn't start until five months after they died but the lyrics helped piece together the time before that. The songs proved to them how broken Bobby’s soul had been. A mix of pleas for them to come back to him and heartbreaking promises to them he would keep living. There were several sketches of the three of them, dating both before and after their tragedy, but there was also a number of Rose and Ray. </p><p>Bobby had tried so hard to continue without them, so why was there the sinking feeling in his chest that made Luke think that he couldn’t do it? Over the sounds of the boys’ soft crying, Julie spoke up, her voice breaking with her own tears. </p><p>Ray had told her that Bobby tried so hard. He had been getting better. He was sleeping and eating normally, leaving the apartment on a normal basis, and he had even started to play music again. It wasn’t fair that he was just starting to live his life again when it was all taken away from him. </p><p>An accident, Julie whispered. Bobby had gone for a walk, something he had started doing regularly, and on his way home, a car didn’t stop. Julie was promised that he didn't suffer and she gave her boys a bit of comfort with that promise. It broke their hearts nonetheless. Bobby was gone long before the ambulance could arrive, long before Rose and Ray would be called. </p><p>They never got to say goodbye.</p><p>Much like Bobby hadn't been able to say goodbye to his boys.</p><p>The familiar smell of rain in the air hit Luke hard as the gray storm clouds darkened. The storm continued to grow in his chest, building until it became too much. A wave of blue crashed over Luke as he curled in on himself, sobbing into his knees. Alex, Reggie, and Julie held him tightly as they all cried, mourning the boy that three of them had loved. </p><p>Luke had loved Bobby just as he loved Reggie, Alex, and Julie. Not like how other people loved. There were no butterflies in his stomach or the need for kisses to another’s lips or racing fantasies. There was the feeling of family, of belonging, of not being judged for the parts of them that they couldn’t control. Bobby had been a part of his family and he did everything he could to continue living for the brothers he had lost. Only for the world that Bobby had known to be cruel proved him right once again and yanked away any chance of healing away from him. Luke never had the chance to say goodbye to his brother, and Bobby never had the chance to say goodbye to the family he found after them.</p>
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